hey, kids. call me full of myself (no, really. go ahead, people do it all the time.) but i thought it was high time that i gathered up my favorite entries and listed them ever so helpfully. it's a hothead primer, if you will. so here you go...enjoy.
love, hothead.
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"letter to lisa." 2002. the first time i really let go and got honest about what was going on inside. still hard to read.
"a letter to chulita." 2002. a letter to myself, written after a very painful breakup.
"these boots were made for walking." 2002. whew! a hothead is born...
"what you can't hear now." and "tell me i'm dreaming." 2003. two of my very favorites. these were written in the dead of winter, stuck in an apartment with no heat and a relationship with very little love left. this was my proof after leaving hollins that i could still write, that something was still alive, and everytime i read them, i'm reminded that as long as i have a pen and paper, i'll be just fine.
"phantasia (for raven)." 2003. i'm so glad we're still friends.
"if god will send his angels." 2003. not much more than a suicide note...part of my history, part of me. i don't hide it just because it's dark. i know that we've all been there, one way or another.
"here without you." 2003. recovery. depression. gratitude...the whole enchilada.
"god bless that bucket." 2003. ha! hothead's stage debut. classic.
"ms. audrey hepburnowitz." 2004. my arrival in NYC, when i first met abby, etc...i can't believe this was only the beginning of last year. here's to growth!
"well it's not just a daydream if you decide to make it your life." 2004. running doesn't fix anything. leaving made me fix everything. make sense? it eventually did to me, too.
"i got a room at the top of the world tonight." 2004. my first really honest mother's day entry. barbara and greggie really make this one memorable for me. unbelievable.
"so what have you done today to make you feel proud?" 2004. the political becomes personal.
"from the bright sunny south." 2004. a love letter to my homeland.
"and it all comes around again..." 2004. oh, i LOVE this kid, i LOVED being a part of this night, and i LOVE this entry. this is why we go through shit in our lives, because one day someone will need the kindness of someone who understands. i'm honored that she trusts me.
"this one's for the girls." 2005. hothead's femme manifesta. read it and weep.
"you're laughing out loud at just the thought of being alive." 2005. resurfaced memories. tears, abuse, fear. no more silence. going through this was what really bonded j and i. tough stuff though, no doubt.
"mil besos." 2005. okay, here's the story: i gave j a mix tape, and the songs on it were the only way i could tell him that i had a huge dumb schoolgirl crush on him. so he got the tape, and then didn't call me for three days! i was a WRECK, and my friends were sick to DEATH of hearing about it. so, on the third day, the day of this entry, he invites me downtown. when i get there, as i'm heading into the bar, he calls me over to his car, and hits play on the boombox he put on the hood. this song plays, he stares at his shoes, and i cry, because it is the SWEETEST THING.
"don't ask me for the truth if you choose to lie, honey." 2005. growth as a writer. growth as a woman. new love. springtime. it's all here...
"what if i told you? what if i said?" 2005. in the dark, in the silence, i spoke my truth. you know, there is something to having a deep, abiding friendship with the person in your bed. no pity, no shame, no silence, he says. amen, baby. amen.