title care of junior brown, just because i can.
sunday afternoon. i am, at last count, 147 pages into being a harry potter widow, and so it seems that it is time to come back and talk about how things are, and how things have been. it has been too long.
interesting developments in my life as of late:
- construction workers will start rebuilding the smushed parts of our house soon. we're going home. it is all going to be okay.
i had to fight, harder and meaner than i ever thought. the insurance company pulled some really dirty tricks. thank god for the virginia state insurance bureau, and the fear they inspire. i won't name names here, but i will say that we learned the hard way that alacrity means neither cheerful readiness, promptness, or willingness. take that where you will.
we get the contractor we wanted, and will likely even get a screened in back porch out of the deal. now we're in the design part of this thing, deciding what we want and what color it should be. you know, the fun stuff. this week we sign a contract. trust me when i say that i could not be more thrilled.
- i am not currently sleeping like a vampire. i don't know how this happened, but it seems i have righted the sleep schedule from hell. i had my days and nights completely mixed up. it was awful. i couldn't get anything done, and i was miserable. 4:00 am is a very lonely time of day to be awake.
i'm really not sure how i managed to change things around. all i know is how sick i got of it, how i held tightly to the one night when i reset my schedule by staying up for two days, and how i work on it every night. it sounds like i'm in sleep rehab, i know, but it was bad, y'all. i'm much happier this way.
- i joined the Y. and friday i went all by myself and did the treadmill and swam laps. i didn't know i could sweat that damn much, or that my breathing sounded that bad. oy. talk about reasons to quit smoking (no lectures...i'm getting there). it felt good, though, really good, to MOVE. to do. i loved it. i do my offical tour and intro to exercise machines tomorrow, and go to yoga on tuesday before group. cannot wait to learn how to stretch and breathe properly (which my dear darling boyfriend swears i don't do). cannot wait.
the icky men i could do without. seriously. i'm not a straight girl, and i don't live in a straight world most of the time. i'm not used to being half-naked or in spandex yoga pants and being leered at. i am also learning that, despite being hothead, i don't know how to deal with it. it makes my skin crawl, and that's as far as i've gotten so far. one guy here and there i'm used to. i counted six, and i was there for an hour and a half. you do the math. *shudder*
i will not be deterred, though. i am only using the workout machines to help me get back in shape, because in addition to yoga, i am *dying* to do one of the dance classes. one of them is latin. are you kidding me? salsa for fun and fitness? my body was MADE for that. seriously, i do it in my kitchen (yes, my boyfriend is lucky and he knows it), why not in a class? if i joined now, though, i'd pass out and die before the thing was over. not of the good. again though: cannot wait! (i'm also still pissed that my goddaughter is too young for family bellydancing. she even has a costume her grandma got her! how cute would we be?)
- tuesday is my first day back in group in six weeks. we got an abrupt ending and extended break due to financial issues, but tuesday, we're back in black. or something. weird. and grace is still across the pond on her yearly vaycay and trip back to the homeland, so i met with pat, her stand-in, on thursday. she's very nice, but...yeah. she was trying to get way too deep. i had to break it to her that she was there to help me maintain and make sure i don't go insane without knowing it. sheesh. let's talk about maintaining all these changes i'm implementing, not what it was like to be three. good lord.
- it's looking a lot like i'm going to have a new job. or two. both are part time (very) but both essentially run on my time frame, and can be done from virtually anywhere. i'm not going to be getting rich, but we will (conceivably, anyway) be in a better place financially than we have in a long long LONG time. yay to the people who have brought work my way, and are helping (whether they know it or not) to raise my confidence and belief in my ability to work it OUT.
random notes and questions:
- why are so many of my friends talking babies all of a sudden? just since summer started? it is weird, y'all. i'm not opposed to (most of) them doing it, it's just...since when are we grown? it just happened all of a sudden when i wasn't watching for it.
- the marriage discussion in my house has hit a new high this summer, as well. it seems that it's coming up on that time. "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" and "dating" aren't working anymore, and i wouldn't call him my "partner" anymore than i would call him my "associate." it's just cold to me. i hate it when language fails. i'm obviously not marrying him so i can have better words, i'm marrying him because...i want to. because i'm long gone any way you cut it. because ain't nothing in this world could make me leave him, and he knows it. because i trust him enough to hand him my trump card and every bit of old bad behavior that used to give me a sense of power. more to come here, for sure. just...wow. again with the "when did we get all grown" thing.
- one of the greatest joys in my life is my boy singing along to the oldies station. he's in the kitchen, i can hear him in the bedroom, and it makes me giggle. it's become the soundtrack to our lives together, one i could not live without.
- one night at the bar without him is enough to make me never want to be single again. clearly, we have been renewed by crisis and are madly, stupidly in love. it's enough to make you throw up, or so people tell us. fuck a bunch of that. i am happier with him than i have ever been before, and it's consistent. he doesn't hurt me just to do it, doesn't waste our time with stupid shit and drama, and neither do i. we put each other first. it's new for me, and it's nice, and will therefore make my friends vomit every chance i get.
- i want to paint the walls in my kitchen crushed velvet
and the wainscoting a buttery cream color. what in the bloody hell should the floors and countertops be? i have style, yes, but i am stumped with this color (it is my very favorite though). help!
- i'm now 238 pages into being a harry potter widow. i think this has been a pretty good update, yes? off to the store for strawberry ice cream for milkshakes, then home again for chicken tacos.
night, y'all.