this world is going to hell in a handbasket, and you know who i blame? crazy-ass white people. i am so serious.
raven and i were at IHOP on wednesday night, and who should come sit in our section but fucking buffalo bill:
(please tell me you saw silence of the lambs.)
anyway. so this guy is has this little girl's voice and even though he's going bald, he has a longish stringy blonde bob. weird enough. so then he orders. this is 12:30 am at a IHOP, remember....the guy gets the GRILLED COD WITH HOLLANDAISE SAUCE, a salad with THOUSAND ISLAND dressing, french fries, the california blend of vegetables, and an order of onion rings....on top of his entree. literally. on top. of his entree.
raven and i are gagging at the thought of anything seafood-onic from the IHOP, but still...you know, whatever. then he lights a cigarette. i should mention here that jesse can't smoke his clove cigarettes there. they yell at him everytime. THIS guy lights a cigarette whose scent was rightly guessed by raven to be "dirt and ass." now, i don't know if it's a dirty ass or just the combination of the two...but DAMN. it was rough...thank god we weren't eating. and top all of this off with the fact that the guy was eating, smoking and generally out and about wearing two purple latex rubber gloves.
are you done blinking yet? raven and i totally ate dinner with buffalo bill. jesus.
so what's worse than stupid-ass white people? RACIST stupid-ass white people. friday night, j and ms lissa and i went out, discussed various people who deserved to be hit, searched for bricks on the side of the road with which to do said hitting, and drank a lot. it was a simply wonderful evening, which is why i was NOT impressed when my nosy neighbor kay comes knocking on our door at 1:30 am saying that "a black man knocked on (our 17 year old neighbor) kristy's door, and she let him in!" she went on to say that she had goosebumps and insomnia from imagining what was going ON over there! ugh. basically? the asshole neighbors twitch when anyone darker than paris hilton steps onto our street.
so fine, kristy (god love her) isn't always the brightest crayon in the box, so we go check on her, just to make sure that whoever that guy is, he's someone she invited, and is cool with. her brother has some *ahem* interesting friends, and hey, better safe and all that. so we go knocking on her door, scaring the SHIT out of both of them, but everyone is *gasp* clothed and safe and alive and sober...but of course, today i'm sure the neighborhood buzz was, what will happen when kristy's parents get back and find out there was a black man in the house! it never ends.
and then, last night, j and i went out with raven and her new girl, who is very very cool, to celebrate raven's 21st. we're SURROUNDED by hunting hillers (people whiter than wonder bread who live in the posh neighborhoods) in their polo shirts, dockers and loafers having a bud light with their buddies, and i am SCARED. suddenly, i hear something, and as my brain begins to process it, i realize it is the Most Inappropriate Thing imaginable in this situation. the guy in the white polo (the head Stupid White Guy) has welcomed his big tall blonde friend into the social group by saying, "what's up, negro?"
no, i'm not kidding. what's up, negro. i couldn't help but stopping to stare with that "what-in-the-oh-NO-you-DIDN'T" look on my face, unsure that i really heard what i thought i heard until shana (raven's new grrrl) affirmed it for me, that yes, that white man really was THAT stupid. shocking.
at least raven got a free drink called a "tight snatch" which we got to make fun of for HOURS, and i got to give her 21 spankings. that was more fun for me than anyone will ever know.
one last thing for your monday: http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan. it's an advertising slogan generator. it's great fun, and i think i'm going to use it to make a new banner. two questions to my loyal readers: can i use your real/usernames to contribute comments to? and/or will you leave me a gbook comment with your one/two line review of this site? make it funny, and oh yeah...thaaaaaank yooooooou!