this weekend, in bullet points:
· flirted online with my dearest femme friend's father, in addition to planning and plotting surprises for femme friend
· celebrated said birthday for two days
· wore vinyl tank top and "fuck me" stripper shoes
· got tanked
· did an odd variation of body shots with other hot femme friend
· stuck a shooter in my cleavage, got on knees in booth and leaned over, thereby almost killing dearest femme friend's father, and not with alcohol
· went to strip club with said VERY cool father, j, and entourage of dykes
· sat by the stage like i owned the place with a dollar in my hand
· had my neck and cleavage bitten and covered in dancer spit...and liked it
· came to terms with my feminist leanings quick-like
· convinced (ha) dearest femme friend/birthday girl to invest in a lap dance
· damn near pissed myself when said friend came back downstairs with a fucking phone number, that she used today (jealous much?)
· gave dances of my own to VERY cool father, j, and birthday girl
· had at least two people ask me if i wanted to fill out an application
· left there wanting more girl parts in my life, and turned on like nothing else
· ended my night pissed off because j decided that was a far more appropriate time to unload on me about something completely random
· woke up early (for me) still pissed
· had a heart-to-heart that ended with a panic attack and a 10 pm bedtime after all my boundaries were blown through
· spent most of the day wishing for a rewind button, because who needed this ending? i was having FUN, dammit
· STILL HAVE NOT GOTTEN LAID.
any suggestions? because i'm sneaking up on desperation, y'all...and we all know that is no kinda good. doesn't he know i was taking notes? doesn't he know how GOOD it would have been if he hadn't fucking punked out and been such a fucking processing lesbian? sometimes i'm kind of a guy. i get that. sometimes i can keep my emotions out of my bottom line. sometimes i just want him to look at me, realize that a) i'm in vinyl and "fuck me" stripper shoes, and b) he's a lucky bastard, and fuck me senseless.
i'm just bitter. and that's NOT how this weekend should have ended. his timing is atrocious. we all know this. i just wanted to throw something....just this once, baby, shut that pretty mouth, stop thinking, and just.give.me.your.hand.
and if he ever reads that, i'll be single and/or covered in kudzu.